Posted on May 9th, 2011 (2:05 pm) by Jennifer Monteagudo

Atropolis begin their self-titled album with some sexy CSS/Brazilian Girls-like, possibly French, whispering. And that my friends, is the highlight of this album. Within a minute the panting/whispering in a sexy romance language is dropped, replaced with shaky, amateur vocals and music from a dollar store keyboard.

Atropolis is jungle lounge music. It will no doubt play in the lobby of every posh South Beach hotel this summer, but besides momentarily serenading a well tanned gay guy in white shorts who's about to go rollerblading with his miniature poodle, it's an album with no purpose. Atropolis is a test in patience, and believe me, you will lose.

Opener "Som Sista" represents everything wrong with this 40-minute exercise in generic background music. Once the sex card is played and withdrawn, all that's left is unimaginative island music that I've heard executed better by the high school band volunteers in Brooklyn's West Indian festival. After listening to the semi-bored vocals of "Som Sista" that sit on top of the poorly produced music like embarrassed oil on water, I thought the best thing Atropolis could do was not sing. I was wrong. With 11 tracks and only three with (barely) any vocals, the album drags on like a fifth grade report on Caribbean culture. There's a romp through Trinidad/Tobago, Jamaica, and even the northern shores of South America--"Che Bo" is gas station dollar bin Colombian music. But it's all so formulaic and monotone that the only Colombian you'll ever want to hear from again is Hialeah Pablo, the sole dealer on the whole east coast holding enough E to make Atropolis enjoyable.

By track six, "Huepa' Je", Atropolis goes into a laughable death spiral, the music turning into the soundtrack for an 8-bit video game based in Puerto Rico. Yes, you'll be dancing--but more of the "dancing plague" variety than out of any sort of enjoyment. When track ten rolls around, the whole latin thing is dropped (I think Atropolis forgot what kind of album they were making towards the end, some sort of horror-induced amnesia, perhaps?), replaced with staple electro music. I lied, even Hiealeah Pablo doesn't have enough E to turn this album palatable. I was honestly so close to the brink of death by boredom, that the stress of my near-death experience triggered the "third man" effect. My dead grandfather appeared in the room with me-- I felt comforted, like there was a chance I could live to see tomorrow -- and in a stern but loving voice he said, "Turn off the fucking iTunes, you idiot." And that's how I survived to write this review.

Track List:

1. Som Sista (FT. Anbuley)
2. Asi Asi Asi (FT. Noelia Fernandez)
3. Mbria Funk
4. Che Bo
5. NYChero
6. Huepa' Je
7. Bahia (FT. Noelia Fernandez)
8. Xingu Chief
9. Sambahton (Huepa' Je Refix)
10. Om Shanti
11. El Tambor del Mundo (FT. Noel Fernandez)

Atropolis - Atropolis
Purchase at: Amazon | eMusic

Our Rating

30 / 100
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