Posted Sep 3rd, 2015 (1:45 pm) by Jess Marsh
Music Player: 

Who needs WebMD anyway?

Unknown Mortal Orchestra are no strangers to out of the ordinary music videos. Their last video blended Indian mythology and polyamory, in a trippy, kaleidoscopic-like fever dream. This time around, UMO amped up the weird with their video for "Can't Keep Checking My Phone." The narrative, if you can call it that, consists of non-sequential scenes with the names of diseases, conditions, and phobias flashing across the screen.

Some of the conditions illustrated are so rare, you cannot find any documentation about them online. Luckily, after many repeat watches of the video, I was able to identify the symptoms of these rare ailments, so you can seek medical attention if at all necessary.

*Note, one of the conditions below does involve an image of nudity. If you find yourself offended by the female body, this is your warning to navigate away from this page.

The video begins with two individuals speculating the legitimacy of some sort of stone, without any further explanation.

We are then introduced to the first of our rare conditions: Malignant Hum. Sufferers of Malignant Hum are mentally trapped in a perpetual loop of 1984. This makes sufferers of the condition hypersensitive to modern technology, which produces a low frequency hum. The constant noise apparently causes individuals with the condition to drop to their knees and shout in frustration.

We take a break from rare, unknown conditions and get an inside look at Temporal Lobe Therapy, which looks incredibly trippy, yet physically tolling.

Be sure to take precautions against contracting the highly fatal Meteorite Sickness. All space travelers run the risk of developing meteorite sickness, should they come in direct physical contact with any extraterrestrial matter. Symptoms include a hollow stare, hyperventilation, cold sweats, and in extreme cases, death. (As seen in the bottom right corner of the image below.)

Precarious Planet Syndrome is often a precursor to meteorite sickness. This syndrome is caused by an emotional and physical need to be one with nature. However, since space travel is so readily available these days, sufferers are no longer content with simply skinny dipping in a natural lake. Extreme sufferers insist on exploring new planets with their naked bodies. Individuals who do explore planets without proper protection run an 85% risk of contracting meteorite sickness.

With the greater use of virtual reality in Unknown Mortal Orchestra's retro-future, more and more people developed Virtual Gender Dysphoria. An individual who suffers from this condition feels a disconnect from the gender of their assigned avatar.

The video also contains vaguely related interpretations of pan-phobia, the literal fear of everything and hybristophilia, a sexual arousal caused by the knowledge that your partner has committed a crime. (Also known as Bonnie & Clyde Syndrome.)

Disconnected and nonsensical are the easiest ways to describe this odd video, which in case you haven't noticed, had absolutely nothing to do with checking a phone. Unknown Mortal Orchestra have a way of thriving in weirdness, and this video reiterates that expected oddness.

That being said, the descriptions of made up ailments and conditions above are not an effort to poke fun or shame legitimate health problems, but rather to highlight just how off the wall Unknown Mortal Orchestra is with this video.

Check it out for yourself below:

© Inyourspeakers Media LLC