Posted Aug 27th, 2015 (2:30 pm) by Jess Marsh
Music Player: 

The Chief must have been smoking something when it came time to name baby Keef.

While it is nothing new for musicians to name their kids really weird things, Chief Keef took the gold medal and "Father of the Year" award when naming his new born son.

The announcement of the baby boy's name was not made by the parents. No! That would just be too expected. Why miss a perfect branding and promotional opportunity? Why take time off to spend with your newborn kid? The hustle never sleeps! Chief Keef cannot waste precious time on his family with a new album on the horizon!

The newborn's name was revealed in a statement from the owner of Keef's label, FilmOn Music. Yes. Chief Keef's label owner is the one given the privilege of sharing the news with the public.

"Alki David has announced that Chief Keef and his newest baby mama have agreed to name the newborn Sno FilmOn Dot Com Cozart in order to promote the release of Sosa’s double album Bang 3 with FilmOn Music and MondoTunes on September 18th," the statement read.

Sno FilmOn Dot Com Cozart. Sno FilmOn Dot Com Cozart?!?!?! I've seen less subtle advertisement in a NASCAR race. Is this considered child endangerment? Because we all know that kid is about to have a lifetime of torment from classmates with a name like that. Even Sno Cozart is cringe-y enough, but he just HAD to drop that label shout out! What happens if Keef leaves his label? Will FilmOn be able to take legal action?

If he had named his child after an album, at least it would stand for something personal and creative. Then again, Finally Rich and Brick Squad Soldier are far from suitable baby names. I suppose we should just be thankful Bang 3 was not the final choice.

I sincerely hope that this, like Ed Sheeran's lion tattoo, is an elaborate media prank to drum up easy press. If not, I look forward to seeing baby Sno seek to have his unfortunate name changed once he is of legal age. Chief Keef, your rhymes are enough of a punchline, you didn't need to drag your innocent kid into it. My eyes have rolled so far back into my head, I might require surgery. Thanks, Chief.

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