Depressed and misanthropic, a small group of senior citizens take refuge in an American Legion while zombies blitzkrieg their small Ohio town. Wielding shotguns and deactivated hand grenades, they swap war stories while blowing away the undead, one shot at a time. One problem: attracted by the sound of old show tunes, the zombies are beginning to break through their barricade. With only minutes left to live, the men decide to create a record of their own — so unholy, so against the grain — that it's as infectious as the spreading disease they are battling. With only the recent memories of what they've heard on the radio when taken shopping by their grandchildren, they begin to record an insane debacle, consisting of confused electronics, senile gibberish, shaky-handed guitar strums, and “I've fallen and I can't get up” percussion. What left do we have to do before death? We spin the record and dance awkwardly to the sound of our own personal apocalypse.
The first wave begins with “Phantom Don't Go,” smashing apart everything already broken-down with intensive drum and bass. After your head stops rumbling, you are bombarded by eerie synths and miscellaneous effects, powered by David Adamson's vocal energy. Repetitively, he croons “Stay with me-me-me-me,” which is as haunting as you could only imagine. Somehow, we make it out to see another track. “East Side Bangs/East Side Fade” picks up on the radiation slam-factor, and eccentricity of it all. It’s a thugish ballad, quite possibly a zombified version of West Side Story, where hip-hop beats and Adamson's pitch echo off dimly lit passageways. He questions “God?” and answers himself. What better time to start caring about religion, am I right?
The tribal power of “Gonna Need the Guns/Doom Hope” induces a Vietnam flashback. Explosive guitars light up the sky, while Viet Cong heedlessly bang on trees with crudely-fashioned drumsticks as they make their way through the thick jungle. LSD-induced gibberish, indecipherable yet melodic. is chanted between the soldiers. Eventually, both sides say “screw it,” and we all awkwardly dance. What doesn't make sense is has having a Vietnam flashback when you only served in WWII. From the jungle, we enter the country in “You Cried Me,” where the dial turns to acoustic folk-rock. Emotionally driving, howl and hollering, ghoul-stomping goodness is its best descriptor. “I'll bite your neck / I'll make you crawl” really resonates, as I think, “Please do! Anything to hear this track one more time.”
In “Don't Go Phantom,” an Alvin and the Chipmunks cover-band repeats, “Don't go phantom, I'm in love with you / I'll do anything you want me to do,” sped up with even more helium than usual. Adamson weaves a love story between himself and an apparition that's almost cute, but, undoubtedly, sticks to your pallet. “Glyphin' Out” endures those same helium-induced vocals. At times, they are indecipherable, but where before it wasn't a problem, here you kind of lose interest. Dozing off, the tweaked guitar riffs and rhythmic tambourine nearly snap you back. Falling asleep on night-watch during a zombie apocalypse is always a bad idea.
With a title like “Zombie Tear Drops,” you can't lose. Its dreary electro, bopping drum and bass, and side of woodblock and tambourine keep things interesting. Mix in a few bizarre monologues which are intermittently disrupted by Adamson's equally eccentric vocals. On an album like this one, by the end of its creation, you're pretty much like “fuck it.” Such is the case in “F.I.T.F #1,” a seemingly chopped and screwed version of Randy Newman's heavenly voice, singing an R-rated song of faith that makes angels fall from the sky and newborns cry. You may be bewildered by what you just heard, but, somehow, you've survived.
Eventually, travelers stumble upon the wreckage of the town and its old American Legion. They spin the veterans' creation, looking for insight on what could have happened. Some shocked and disgusted, some appalled (but secretly in love with it), they decide to destroy the ungodly masterpiece. They bring it to the Cuyahoga River and toss it in. But being a product of pure evil, it doesn't sink. Instead, the river bursts into flames. The apocalypse is a sure success; Cleveland is home to the newly-formed River of Styx. True story.
Track List:
1. Phantom Don't Go (4:23)
2. Don't Go Phantom (3:01)
3. You Cried Me (2:38)
4. Gonna Need the Guns/Doom Hope (5:03)
5. East Side Bangs/East Side Fade (3:22)
6. Glyphin' Out (2:04)
7. Evil Guh (3:49)
8. XXXiawn Shell (1:28)
9. Zombie Tear Drops (4:28)
10. LIGHT (3:39)
11. F.I.T.F #1 (3:13)
