Sometimes, life gets a little bit hectic. Even for The HOVA. Strike that – especially for The HOVA. HOVA's got all his Club 40/40 openings. HOVA's got RocNation. HOVA's got the New Jersey Nets. Shit, HOVA's got Beyonce, a self-proclaimed diva who needs Jay-Z's beats by day and his sweet-ass lovin' at night. What do you have? Art history classes? A part-time job, slinging crappy coffee? A really promising local band? And you still bail on things all the time. This is you. “Oh, I have to get someone to cover my shift at the coffee place because I've got a gig tonight with my promising local band. Dozens of people promised to come. Anyway, they promised on Facebook.” But when Mr. Shawn Corey Carter cancels something, it's got to be for a damn good reason.

Just a short while after announcing a slew of tour dates to begin in February of 2010, Jay-Z has had to unexpectedly cancel his entire itinerary. Citing “unforeseen schedule conflicts," Jay-Z apologized for the inconvenience and has reportedly given full refunds to all ticketholders.

However, he has left in his wake a plaguing mystery. “Unforeseen schedule conflicts”? The only high-profile type people who so vaguely bail on their commitments are CIA agents and Bruce Wayne. Could Jay-Z be working for the United States Government, being in places where our agents are technically not supposed to be, thugging out on suspected terrorists? Or, better yet –- could Jay-Z be the one and only Batman? Driving around town in a pimped-out Batmobile, striking fear into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere?

Please, God. We know we don't pray to you often, but this is really important. Please let Jay-Z and Batman be the same person. Please.